Robert Smith vs. Monsignor Smith

Both wear black. Both have a way with words. Both are extraordinarily cool. But if I had to choose one man to spend an afternoon with, say, walking around the National Gallery of Art, who would it be?

Robert Smith (and the Smiths)

Let's take Robert Smith, lead singer of the 80's alternative band The Cure.

Rewind back to 1988. I am a junior at Warsaw Central High School in Warsaw, New York, and I am holding in my hand a gleaming new cassette tape sporting a huge pair of psychedelic red-orange lips and a too hip black, curlicue scrawl that reads, "Kiss Me Kiss Me Kiss Me by the Cure" on the cover. Art! In my little podunk town! Something that looked really COOL.

Then, as I listened to the lyrics of the song, "The Kiss": "Get it out, get it out, get it out/Get your f@#king voice out of my head ... I wish you were dead/I wish you were dead" I was completely awestruck. Finally, for the first time, it seemed, incredibly and inexplicably, out of the blue and for no reason whatsoever, someone ... UNDERSTOOD ME!

Now, I wasn't an angry teen. I was a straight-A, clean-cut popular student with no emotional or behavioral problems to speak of. I was a talented visual artist, and I had many friends I loved and cherished. Friends I am still in touch with today, praise God. My friends and I didn't feel like killing anybody, and we never got into any trouble (unless you count that one big party we threw when my parents decided to go out on New Years Eve night!).

At the time I was also a big fan of the lyrics written by a man named Morrissey, whose last name is not Smith but whose band is called the Smiths, so he belongs in this post as well. One of my all-time high school favorites was a song called "The Queen is Dead" by the Smiths. What was up with all this infatuation with death and despair?

I think that the soulful, gloomy lyrics of The Cure and The Smiths were my first encounter with a real and beautiful expression of deep pain and human anguish. And although I was far from an "angry teen," there were lots of things that I was angry about but that, for various reasons, was never able to express. For example: the time I was cruelly made fun of as a child for being overweight by several strangers, or the fact that I had been dumped repeatedly by the one boy I had ever truly loved (up to that point), Ned*. So in some ways, I was an "angry teen." But never before was I able to articulate that pain and/or anger to another human being. Suddenly, Robert Smith and Morrissey were giving me permission to do just that.

Robert Smith and Morrissey touched my soul. They shone a light on something that had theretofore been hidden in the shadows: my pain. And for that, I loved them. And still do. "The Cure" is my favorite radio station on Pandora, which also happens to play tons of the Smiths. Now, before my Catholic friends go completely ballistic on me, I will admit that it is possible to wallow in this pain and anger or even stoke it, and so in this way rock n' roll, in particular what is known as "alternative rock," can be an occasion of sin, so we need to be careful. There, I have given you the warning blurb so none of you can sue me later.

Monsignor Smith

The first time I heard the words of Monsignor K. Bartholomew K. Smith from the pulpit of Saint Bernadette's parish here in Silver Spring, I had a reaction similar to the first time I had heard the words of Robert Smith: finally, someone who gets it! Someone who gets me!

The first time I heard Monsignor Smith give a homily it was over five years ago, and he had just come on board as Saint B's new pastor. As soon as he opened his mouth I could tell he was super duper smart, and I wasn't surprised to find out in that same homily that he had once held a fairly prestigious job working for the government, I think, or something along those lines. And I was like, "Yeah!", because I, too, left a fancy shmancy job as a lawyer to follow my own Catholic dream: to stay at home and have a large Catholic family. I immediately felt a special bond with him for those two reasons alone.

And as the years went by, I can't say I've ever heard a mediocre homily from this guy. He's got the brains and the spiritual zeal to nail each and every homily each and every week. Never so harsh that he scares you off; never so weak that he doesn't challenge you to grow. And he seems to be able to speak to everyone at once--women and men, the old and the young, those just starting out on the spiritual path and those well advanced on the path. He has a special knack for making his homilies universal. And he's got a great sense of humor as well.

And so, week after week, Monsignor Smith touches my soul in a different way: he shed lights not on my pain and anger but rather my hidden desire to love and to serve--to completely give myself up, without cost or reason, to another person: Christ. My desire to love and serve my husband and family, as well as the Catholic Church.

Both parts of my soul are real, the part which feels pain and the part which loves. And I think it's very hard to do either properly by oneself, which is why therapy is so popular nowadays. But it's also why books and movies are popular. I think that this is a crucial issue for our times because the religious right--in particular the Catholic Church--is so outspoken about the "culture of death" present in the media and Hollywood, for example. And they are right to condemn the attitude that life is meaningless and/or that life is something to be taken lightly. But like Saint Paul said, nothing is sinful in itself; it is we who sin. And so it is not the songs and movies that are bad, it's how we choose to interpret them and live them out. Just like a Cure song can be misused, so can a homily by Monsignor Smith, surprisingly enough. I can take one of his homilies and go out and beat people over the head with my faith, being angry and belligerent. In a word, uncharitable and unkind. Faith, like anger, can be used to shame and hurt both ourselves and others. (I will admit, however, that it is much much easier to misuse media than a solid Catholic homily).

Is This Sermon Over Yet?

What in the world does all of this have to do with writing? This is a mommy writing blog, after all. It has everything to do with writing. Because in the beginning was the Word, and the Word was God. And writers have a special vocation to channel--or at least try their best to channel--the Holy Spirit in everything they write. And bring us closer to Him. Because God is even more clever than that beautiful and intense short story you read last week. And way more informative and helpful than the great New York Times article you posted on Facebook. And infinitely more interesting and cool than your favorite blogger. The source of everything good and cool that you find in writing comes from God, because He made it all.

And as writers we need to spiritually nourish ourselves constantly. How can we do this? One of, perhaps THE, best kept secret in America today is its Catholic Churches, where, each Sunday, millions of people consume the body and blood of Christ, the Great Creator. The guy who created the octopus. The guy who fashioned Einstein in the womb. Who loved--and loves--you to death. Becoming a practicing Catholic is THE most efficacious way on the planet to get close to the Creator.

And there are other things you can do as well. Read books that spread the truth about what it means to be human. The same goes for music and art. Listening to Robert Smith and Morrissey is a spiritual experience for me because these two men are able to articulate, in a way few people can, the pain involved with being a human. Listening to Father Smith's homilies is also a spiritual experience--okay, I admit it, Monsignor Smith wins the contest hands down!--because he can articulate so well the secret longings of the human heart. The longing to love and serve and become one with God. And he does it in a way that is beautiful and intelligent and way cool.

And finally, it's time for a little...

Let's Get Funky!

Get a great movie, perhaps an old favorite like "Rushmore" or "Fantastic Mr. Fox" and paint your nails. Maybe splurge on a new color. I just bought a bottle of the so-hip "Nicole" polish with purple star confetti for only $7 at Wal-Mart!

*Ned, you know who you are and all is forgiven of course!! :)

An Advent Interregnum

Why Two Nativity Sets are Better Than One

Overheard in the Sarwal living room Sunday morning:

JOB: We cannot put out TWO nativity sets. We can only put out one, and we should put it on the mantel so it won't get wrecked!

LOUIS: But I want one under the tree like Mom had when SHE was a girl!

MOM: We're going to put out both.

[JOB groans.]

MOM: There is nothing in the Catechism on this, Job. No eleventh commandment that says, 'Thou Shalt Not Putteth Outteth Twoeth Nativity Sets.'

JOB: We can't keep one on the floor. Already one of the shepherds is missing and arm, and the cow is missing an ear!

MOM: It's realistic! Cows lose ears! Shepherds lose arms! [JOB looks dubious]. Maybe it got bitten off by a wolf or something, I don't know! And Jesus was born in a stable! What do you think Mary said, 'Over my dead body is the Son of God going to be born in this crummy little joint! He's going to be born in an immaculate suburban hospital like all other self-respecting Saviors! No! The whole point of Christmas is that things are messy and imperfect and God loves us anyway!

[KIDS not getting it :)]

[MOM continues to think: The way out of our messes is love, not perfectionism. This year's Christmas photo was embarrassingly blurry, our tree has already lost half its needles and I have issues to iron out with like, half my family back home. But it's okay. I'll just keep my eyes on the infant Jesus and all the unimportant things will fall by the wayside--like whether Meg will want the Unicorn or Lady Bug Pillow Pet this year--and the important things will come to the fore--like starting to iron out those issues with the fam!]

Is a Room of One's Own Truly Necessary?

What Have I Been Doing Since Jul '10 Anyway?

It has been a while since I've posted, but I've heard rumors that some people are reading "Scribbles" and so I feel encouraged to continue to post! My goal is to post about once per month.

My YA novel has morphed into a screenplay titled, "Saint Annie." The film explores the beauty and richness of the teen years--and the 1980's in all it's glory--although it is a movie written primarily for an adult audience.

I continue to work on poetry and magazine articles as well as my spiritual memoir. In January I am giving a talk to a group of U.S. seminarians about the broad themes of the memoir, including the intersection of psychological rehabilitation and spiritual direction within the Catholic Church.

Where am I Going to Find the Time to Write?

Most days I wish I had more time to write, and this is frustrating. It's especially frustrating when I'm in "the zone" only to have to pick up the kids or go out for milk. But I know that my life will only make sense and I will only have peace if I focus on my priorities: God, Amar, the kids, and lastly, my writing.

Amar is pitching in with the housework in part so that I can have more time to write. Without his love and devotion, I could never pull any of this off. Virginia Woolf said that in order to write a woman needs "a room of one's own," but I find that having a supportive husband is even better!

If you are a writer--or other kind of creative--who is struggling with "finding the time," I strongly suggest you read Julia Cameron's classic book on the creative life, The Artist's Way, or, for writers specifically, The Right to Write, also by Cameron. In her books, Cameron provides myriad practical examples of how one can allow one's creativity to flourish while leading a "normal," workaday life. The author of one of most popular legal novel, she reports, wrote the book exclusively in the small spaces of time he had on the train to and from work.

Writing vs. Kids

This blog is titled "Scribbles on the Kitchen Counter" because a few scribbles here and there are about all I can manage when my kids are home. It is very hard for me to try to do two things at once. That said, writing ideas bubble up all the time, and sometimes it affects my parenting and even my driving. One trick I use is, when the kids are at home, I put on a baseball cap. Wearing a cap feels like "getting down to business," and so the cap reminds me that I'm "at work" (with the kids) so I can focus on what they need. But I keep a large stack of index cards on my counter with some really nice, brightly colored pens on which I write the ideas that come my way.

Here is a picture of me with my favorite baseball cap. Go Wolverines!

This picture, and all pictures of me on this blog were taken by Jen Vallina, Photographer Extraordinaire. Her business is called One Sock On Photography. Jen is way cool and I loved working with her!

And finally, it's time for...

Let's Get Funky!

Find a way to nurture your creative self. Try this: Go out and buy new crayons and coloring books or paper and have some fun. Maybe play your favorite music in the background. My favorite Pandora station is "The Cure"--my fave band from high school. Here is my latest scribble:

The Power of Literature

Good-bye, Albus!

If you had told me six months ago that today I would be standing in my kitchen and wiping tears from my eyes as I listened to the end of the sixth book in the Harry Potter series, The Half-Blood Prince, I'd think you were crazy -- or else that the six-months-into-the-future Me was crazy.

But I was crying in the kitchen this morning--over the death of Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts--and I'm pretty sure I'm not crazy (although sometimes I wonder, paying good money for a nanny to watch my four-year-old while I write a YA novel and a memoir, even though I have never before written any kind of book.)

Throughout the series I have admired J.K. Rowling for creating such a cool, virtuous character. And when he gave up his life (actually, you don't learn until book seven that Albus actually asked Snape to kill him so that Albus could help Harry--but my nine-year-old, who has read the series twice, is always feeding me spoilers) I was inspired to do something similarly heroic.

Inspiration for Battle

I admired Rowling even more as I went into the bathroom to check my mascara. Could I, too, someday captivate readers to the point where they feel personally invested in the characters--where they have physical reactions to events in the book? And if I could, what would be the point? To give my readers a good ride? That's part of it, but sometimes--in the books I love the most--there's more, too.

I do believe that good and evil exist, and that authors are right on the battlefield, fighting evil alongside their readers. Reminding us of what we know in our hearts to be true: that love and friendship are more important than power; that following our hearts--not worrying so much what other people think--brings happiness; that having fun is a necessary part of life; and that forgiveness, and helping others, bring joy and peace.

Perfection Not Necessary

Last week I was feeling down on myself about the quality of my writing. Actually, I think this happens every day to some degree *smile*

So I scribbled this down on the back of a tag from a new shirt and put it next to the place where I write: "Imperfect novels can still win hearts!" For me, that's the power of literature and the reason why I write and the reason why, just like Albus laid down his life for love, I promise to set aside my ego and continue to write imperfectly--as hard as that sometimes is--in the hope that someday I will win readers's hearts.

Improve Your Craft While Bonding With Your Kids!

When I First Started Writing, I Had No Sense of Plot

The main character in Lorrie Moore's wonderful, wacky short story, How to Become A Writer** is told by her creative writing professor that, "[m]uch of your writing is smooth and energetic. You have, however, a ludicrous notion of plot." I read Lorrie Moore's story while in my fourth year in college, and I must have laughed out loud when I read it, because I, too, was struggling mightily with plot. I liked describing people and situations, but I didn't know how to shape these things into a story.

Oh, I had been given a copy of the classic "story diagram" (ground situation, conflict, rising action, climax, falling action and resolution) but for some reason it seemed beyond my capability to write about conflict, which is the foundation of every good story. Conflict? I HATED conflict and tried to avoid it like the plague in my real life. I think this is why I had difficulty with plot: I was afraid of conflict. And you know what they say (I don't know to whom to attribute this quote except Ann McLaughlin, my novel writing class instructor): "People who read literature are only interested in trouble!"

Making Friends with Conflict

But now, as a seasoned mother of three (well, if you think nine years of experience qualifies one as "seasoned") I have become friends with trouble. Yes, FRIENDS! I now understand that conflict, the kind between people and the kind within yourself is not only unavoidable, but necessary for human growth. In fact, I would say that my most challenging and rewarding jobs as a parent is responding in a "firm but friendly" way to the conflict that arises in my home oh, say, at least once every ten minutes--unless everyone is glued to the tube watching WordGirl that is.

One of the most important things I have learned as a wife and mother is that, when a disagreement arises--or erupts, as the case may be--I know that, in the end, all or most of the wrinkles will get ironed out--and if they don't, we'll respectfully agree to disagree--and even though feelings might get hurt in this process, the love we have for one another will not go away. It might even become greater. So this is why I'm not afraid of conflict any more.

Pacing Conflict

So now that I'm not afraid of conflict, I see it for what it is: something manageable and, usually but not always, temporary. So as an author, and as a mother, I can have a sense of play when it comes to conflict. I've been paying attention lately to the conflicts present in the stories that I read. In the two books I am reading currently, Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy and Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by J. K. Rowling, there are numerous major conflicts (conflicts which run the length of the book) and minor conflicts (conflicts which run about the length of a chapter), both of which keep me turning the pages. It is particularly interesting to me how both authors pace the minor conflicts so that there is always a pleasant respite between them.

I try to pace conflict at home as well. If the kids are getting at each other's throats, we'll all go outside and run around for a while. If I'm feeling grumpy over the weekend, I'll take a walk for a change in perspective.

**How to Become A Writer is my all-time favorite short story, and I have mimicked it in a short short titled How to Become a New Mother).

When Quality Time Feels Like a Drag, Make Up a Story!

If you're like me, there are some times when you know your kids need a shot of quality time with you, but it's the last thing in the world you feel like doing. I had this experience last week, and so I said, "Would anyone like to hear a made-up story by mom?" Everyone was enthusiastic about the idea. So while the kids were running upstairs to get their blankets and pillows, I was frantically thinking up a series of conflicts which would hold their attention for at least 20 minutes. I was actually nervous; my nine-year-old is an avid reader of YA books--I was afraid he might start yawning and leave the room. So I gave this task my all. By the time they got downstairs I had three gripping conflicts lined up in my mind, and I made up a few more on the spot after those three were used.

The story was a success, even though I wasn't quite satisfied with the ending. And my comfort level with plot got that much higher after the exercise. AND my kids got their emotional tanks filled by me, which meant the afternoon ran a bit more smoothly.

Looking and Feeling Like a Writer Mom

Remind Yourself Who You Are

Emily Paster, one of my classmates while I was in law school, writes a wonderful blog called West of the Loop. In a blogpost titled, "Don't Worry, I"m a Professional,"** Emily writes, "Stay-at-home moms have a lot of tricks for staying sane in a job that is often lonely, isolating, and physically exhausting." Amen Emily!

For Emily, her trick is "to look somewhat fashionable and put-together" every day. Emily says that wearing some make-up and dressing up a bit helps to remind herself that she used to be a professional--a successful lawyer--and that she is still a very smart and interesting person. Moreover, Emily says that she takes her job as mother as seriously as she did while working as a lawyer, and so in this vein "dressing up" is merely dressing the part: the part of a "professional mom."

Like Emily, I pay attention to how I look because it gives me a boost. Probably because I only practiced law for two years, I do not identify with the lawyer role as much as Emily, however.

But I have considered myself a writer ever since I fell in love with creative writing as a college student. As a lawyer and as an at-home mom I continued to take creative writing courses. And now, over fifteen years since writing my first short story, creative writing is officially an eight-hour-a-week part-time job, for which I pay a sitter.

Now, I know there is no writers "uniform," but there are certain clothes that remind myself that I am am not just a wife and mom but a writer/artist as well.

**This post was published in the blog, "Chicago Moms Blog."

Campy Clothes Can Cause Creative Cogitation

While working as a tax lawyer in Cleveland, I got to know an exceptionally talented, funny and kind lawyer who usually wore a Mr. Bubble tee shirt under his oxford. I think he could get away with it precisely because he was the best lawyer in the department. :) That tee shirt said to me, "I am approachable, down-to-earth and creative--and perhaps even a little annoyed with the stuffiness one often finds in the legal world."

Now, I own numerous cartoon character tee shirts (e.g., Hello Kitty, Kai-Lan, Little Miss Giggles) that I wear to remind myself that I have a weird and wacky side. And weird and wacky things often get the creative juices flowing. And help me to have a sense of humor, something my melancholic personality often lacks.

The cartoon tee shirts, as well as bold lipstick, colored tights and Doc Martens all have this same effect on me. I love love love my black "Mary Jane" Dr. Martens, and I recently bought, for the summer, a pair of Dr. Martens sandals, which are not as cool looking but still clunky & fun.

My Secret For Looking and Feeling My Best

Sleep! All eight--well, for me, nine and a half--hours of it! Boost your brain power, energy level, patience and even the radiance of your skin by getting a good night's sleep. I tend to fall short on the housework side of things, but feeling energetic all day (well, most of the day) is well worth the grimy walls in my dining room.

How a Book Can Change Your Life

I Never Thought I'd Become an Audio Book Fan

Stephen King, in his book On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft, suggests that serious writers forgo most of what television and radio have to offer and instead opt for audio books. He says that serious writers should be reading all the time--or as much as possible. I cringed at this advice, because I had always associated audio books with retirees with too much time on their hands. Plus, I liked listening to Pink and Journey on the mini-van radio.

Then one day I was in the library and noticed the large collection of audio books in the children's section. "Summer is right around the corner," I thought. I envisioned my children joyfully listening to C.S. Lewis or Kenneth Grahame over their pre-swim lesson Cheerios. Then I noticed several of the Harry Potter books in their CD cases. "Ugh. Harry Potter. What a waste of good plastic," I thought. But then I remembered that Stephen King had actually included three of the Harry Potter books in the reading list at the end of his book.

Stephen King: Not a Literary Snob

While reading his book, I grew to love Stephen King. Not only for his intelligence and wit but also for his distinct lack of literary snobbery. Well, really, how can you be a literary snob when you're writing books about U.F.O.'s or whatever it is he writes about. Now I'm being a snob! In addition, as a girl who grew up in the Buffalo region and whose parents never graduated from college**, I strongly identified with his blue collar background. I loved him so much that I was ready to try anything that he suggested in his book. So I checked out Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire--for myself, having no idea where it was located in the series.

I was immediately delighted with the book. It was so light and funny. Now, at the time I was in the middle of Leo Tolstoy's Anna Karenina--a very heavy book--psychologically and physically--the book weighs a ton--and so perhaps that is why I have taken to Harry Potter so readily.

Hooray for Harry!

I have been listening to Harry Potter constantly. Not just in the van but while I'm doing dishes as well. No doubt I will listen to the entire series by the end of the summer.

So, thank you Stephen King, for your advice about audio books and your recommendation of the Potter books, and thank you J.K. Rowling for making my many treks in the van and many wars with dried Cheerios stuck on Corel bowls so much more pleasant and edifying!

**I in no way mean to imply that my parents are somehow "less than" because they did not finish college. My parents, brilliant restauranters, antique collectors and artists, are too creative and cool for college. I think college might have been a waste of their time. I often wonder what it is exactly that I learned in those four (well for me, five) years.